Dear Villainess,
Do you believe in true love?
- Cupid
Dear Fatboy with Wings,
The Villainess believes in brain chemicals, and she advises you not to hang out with the guys from XTC.
- The Villainess
Dear Villainess -
If my boyfriend accidentally mutates himself into a giant fly, will our children have wings?
- Bio-Clock is Ticking
Dear Population Time Bomb,
The Villainess hates to break it to you, but if your boyfriend has accidentally been crossed with a fly, he's probably as sterile as a mule and also no doubt has other things on his mind than sex right now. Although if your boyfriend is as good a mad scientist as all that, why doesn't he just clone you a daughter? Problem solved. See, that's why I'm an advice columnist.
- The Villainess
Dear Villainess -
When my girlfriend and I go out to eat, is it chivalrous to let her go out the bathroom window and take it upon myself to shoot my way out before the check arrives, or should we alternate?
- Hunny Bunny
Dear Killer Rabbit -
The Villainess sees no reason why you can't both got out the window, if you're careful only to dine in establishments with at least two bathrooms. Chivalry is an outmoded convention anyway, especially if your girlfriend is a better shot than you.
- The Villainess